How to Get Banned From Wal-Mart

This is the story of how I got banned from Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart has been criticized by some community groups, women's rights groups, grassroots organizations, and labor unions, specifically for its extensive foreign product sourcing, low rates of employee health insurance enrollment, resistance to union representation, and alleged sexism.

Walmart responded:

In January 2006, Wal-Mart announced that "diversity efforts include new groups of minority, female and gay employees that meet at Wal-Mart headquarters in Bentonville to advise the company on marketing and internal promotion. There are seven Business Resource Groups: women, African-Americans, Hispanics, Asians, Native Americans, Gays and Lesbians, and a disabled group.

1. Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.



2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.



3. Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.



4. Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

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